- Phyllis Diller
2. "Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials."-Meryl Streep
3. “Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.”
- Lisa Alther
4. "The phrase 'working mother' is redundant."
-Jane Sellman
5. "The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy."
- Author Unknown
6. "The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet."
- Bill Cosby
7. "Mothers are all slightly insane."
- J.D. Salinger
8. “My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hackett
9. "No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement."
- Florida Scott-Maxwell
10. "Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that suppose to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing."
-Toni Morrison, Beloved
11. "When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."
- Erma Bombeck
12. “If evolution really works, how come mothers have only two hands?"
- Milton Berle
13. "There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one."
- Jill Churchill
14. "Like all parents, my husband and I just do the
best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money
to pay for our kids' therapy."- Michelle Pfeiffer
15. "A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes."
- Russell Lynes
16. "I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." -Abraham Lincoln
17. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
- Erma Bombeck
18. "She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along."
-Margaret Culkin Banning
19. "The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."
- Lane Olinhouse
20. "There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
21. "I know how to do anything—I'm a mom."
- Roseanne Barr
22. "Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."
- Ambrose Bierce
23. "Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother."
- Oprah Winfrey
24. "There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it."
- Chinese Proverb
25. "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
- Calvin Trillin
26. "If you were to open up a baby's
head―and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should―you would find
nothing but an enormous drool gland." - Dave Barry
27. "People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one."
- Leo J. Burke
28. "When I stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself."
- Nancy Friday
29. "Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes."
- Joyce Armor
30. "A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm."
- Bill Vaughan
31. "Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to 'jump at de sun.' We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground."
- Zora Neale Hurston
32. "You will always be your child's favorite toy."
- Vicki Lansky
33. "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much."
- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
34. "Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope."
- Bill Cosby
35. "Motherhood is neither a duty nor a privilege, but simply the way that humanity can satisfy the desire for physical immortality and triumph over the fear of death."
- Rebecca West
36. "I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement."
- Tina Fey
37. "By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class."
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
38. "Raising a kid is part joy and part guerrilla warfare."- Ed Asner
39. "Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love." -Mildred B. Vermont
40. "Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life."
- Author Unknown
41. "The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom."
- H.W. Beecher
42. "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world."
- W. R. Wallace
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